Joel M Bradshaw

10Now Ephron was sitting among the Hittites, and Ephron the Hittite answered Abraham in the hearing of the Hittites, of all who went in at the gate of his city, 11“No, my lord, hear me: I give you the field, and I give you the cave that is in it. In the sight of the sons of my people I give it to you. Bury your dead.” 12Then Abraham bowed down before the people of the land. 13And he said to Ephron in the hearing of the people of the land, “But if you will, hear me: I give the price of the field. Accept it from me, that I may bury my dead there.” 14Ephron answered Abraham, 15“My lord, listen to me: a piece of land worth four hundred shekels of silver, what is that between you and me? Bury your dead.” 16Abraham listened to Ephron, and Abraham weighed out for Ephron the silver that he had named in the hearing of the Hittites, four hundred shekels of silver, according to the weights current among the merchants.–Genesis 23

Abraham had a stellar reputation with the Hittites and they didn’t want him to pay for the burial place. But Abraham insisted on paying and they worked something out.

Relationships get weird with money when expectations aren’t met. Here are some thoughts.

1. If you can pay for something, pay for it. Don’t depend upon a friendship or a reputation to get something for free.
2. Don’t stop someone from caring for you or being generous with you. God may just be at work in their heart and providing for you in your need. Just don’t go into the situation expecting it.
3. Be gracious receiving a gift and generous yourself in return.

In my younger years as a pastor I had these seasons where vendors almost fell over themselves giving me a discount or not charging me full price. I remember a tow truck driver for free following me to a mechanic after getting my car started rather than charging me for a tow. I have a friend who almost never let me pay for a pizza at his restaurant. I recall one contractor who did work on a church plumbing problem and said he was very Catholic and so he picked up the invoice and simply wanted me to pray a blessing over him. He was adamant about not charging me or the church for the services provided. I even remember going to a fast food restaurant years before I became a pastor and the cashier gave me a free meal because he swore I was the new priest in town. I was wearing a black turtleneck and a cross around my neck so I guess I looked the part? No matter how many times I laid my money on the counter and said I was a college student, he told me my money was no good there. I made sure to wear different clothing next time!

It all comes down to expectations. Abraham had the means to pay and was gong to pay. The Hittites were being generous and respectful, but they might have resented Abe in their hearts for taking the free land. My goal is never to get something free when I can and should pay. I also have learned that some people want to make sure pastors are treated a certain way. I am very careful about not taking advantage of these people and their generosity. I will invite someone out for coffee or to lunch with the expectation that I would pay and then the man simply wouldn’t allow me to pay. I make sure in those moments to be gracious and thankful and communicate that the next round truly was on me. Attitude and expectations are everything when it comes to money and our situations.–JMB